So Shannon, though we live on opposite sides of the world, and different circumstances, I understand you more than you know. In 2004, following 3 lots of neurosurgery, I was put on steroids and gained 80 pounds in 10 months. However, the key thing that transformed my life, and my inner world, was learning to love myself when I was 280 pounds big. It was in learning to do this when at my biggest that I started to lose 60 pounds that I did 2009. and then a further 40 pounds between 2009 - 2014.

The key thing that set me free from a lifetime of feelings of continuously being "too big" and "too much" was in that learning to love myself.

I have been able to maintain that weight, for the first time in my life, for 12 years. Honestly hon, the absolutely greatest loss of all for me was losing the self-hating voice that had traveled as my companion for all my life.

You are so courageous in sharing your story and I so dearly hope that you find the inner contentment that I found. It was losing the emotional weight that I had carried for decades that was actually of far greater significance than the physical weight.

You would do yourself the greatest justice to learn to love yourself as you are hon, flaws included. Your inner beauty shines all the way across the world to litttle 'old' New Zealand.